Business Partner Leaving You Burnt Out and Unmotivated?
In one of my most toxic business partnerships ever, I became burned out, demotivated, and even depressed. I had given myself entirely to my partner, setting aside significant business projects and personal care practices I had been working on. I made myself available at all hours of the night, said "yes" to almost anything I was asked to do. I didn't question any of the financial decisions that were being made without my agreeing to it.
You might be saying, "but Alex, that's crazy! Why would you do this?"
Well, I thought genuine business partnerships were about selfless giving. As a Christian, especially, I had the mindset that to be a good person means selflessly giving myself for the benefit of someone else.
This business partnership ended up tragically failing. Ultimately, I ended up in a mountain of debt and with no remorse from my partner. It was the biggest blow to my entrepreneurial career to date.
Upon reflection of all that happened, the issue wasn't my business partner - it was me. I hadn't set healthy boundaries - letting go of all the self-care I had learned - for the pursuit of riches.
One of the main reasons we Christian entrepreneurs avoid setting boundaries is that we misunderstand what they are. We think that boundaries are about distancing ourselves and creating walls from our partners. We think that Kingdom business relationships are like the selfless giving Jesus did on the cross - selflessly giving ourselves up for the benefit of our partner and the business’s success.
But there’s a reason why one partner frequently ends up demotivated, burnt out, and even depressed. God didn't design partnerships so that we would give ourselves entirely to others - this is counter-productive. How can we be expected to show up as the best version of ourselves if we don’t have any energy, or time, or joy for ourselves? It’s not possible to pour from an empty cup.
Yes, the Bible tells us that God and others should come first, that we should strive to serve and provide for others' needs. 1 Peter 4:10 tells us, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms."
However, your gift in the partnership is likely not meeting the emotional needs of your partner. I would venture to say your partner needs you to perform the gift they partnered with you for!
Healthy boundaries are needed to take care of yourself to show up and perform your gifts in the partnership at the best you can!
Let's take Jesus' life example. In Luke, in the middle of Jesus healing others (which was his gifting and calling), we read that "Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed" (v. 16). Jesus had boundaries to practice self-care to come back and do what he was born to do!
Jesus realized that it is essential to take care of himself—even while taking care of everyone else.
Christian entrepreneurs, it's OK to have boundaries! Only if we are healthy and strong will we be able to show up well in the partnership.
So, while we think of boundaries as being mainly about how our partners behave, this is only one side of the equation. Boundaries in business partnerships are also essential in how we treat ourselves. If you want to show up in the partnership the way God called you to, a portion of your energy must go toward good self-care.
So, what does it mean to have healthy boundaries with yourself?
First, good self-boundaries prevent you from engaging in parts of the business that don’t serve you; that isn’t part of your unique ability. However, self-boundaries aren’t just about saying 'no' to your partner. They’re also about saying 'yes' to yourself by treating yourself with respect and adopting healthy self-care practices.
Now, self-care doesn't just mean taking a golf day now and then. Real self-care has very little to do with spending money. The essence of proper self-care is authenticity. It’s about being in tune with your own needs and respecting yourself enough to fulfill them.
An example of self-care is saying no to a request from your partner when you know you don’t have the time to do it. When you say no to the things in your business that you can’t or don’t want to do, you’ll have more energy and more enthusiasm for the things you say yes to.
Other self-care practices include finding the time to do things that you enjoy, improving yourself through learning and drawing closer to God, and spending time with people who make you feel good.
So, in the end, don’t think of self-boundaries in business partnerships as being purely restrictive. Think about them as helping you feel good, live according to your values, and enjoy a healthy relationship with your business partner.
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